Trying my hardest to be normal,
But I just can't.

It had been over a week,
And all it did just cut it deeper.
Now, I'm barely holding on.

But it just wouldn't stop.


Withering will strays no further, until lights of hope shines upon, or, devoured by darkness.

The bitter feeling that I still need someone around me.
I guess I'm just using this story telling to feel better.

I'm never strong.



Still volatile. Still screaming. Still crying. All, in silence.

Three hundred and fifty days of lies.
And an indescribable emotion rampaging through my heart.

Perhaps I don't even know what else I could do.


I never knew the existence of such dark, saddening yet rampaging emotion. Until today.

Guess I kinda got relieved now.
I don't even know what had really happened,
But somehow, it just did.

I didn't want to explain anymore.
I thought you would understand, but it didn't happened.
I thought I could amplify my resolve if I just endure, but the damage amplified instead.
And I thought that, for once, I just want to tell you how I felt, deep inside.

But it backfired.


It's neither the instantaneous pain nor the feelings of helplessness that haunts me, but the lingering emotions of my care being incinerated into nothingness. 

I'm really tired of this.
When I took a dire hit from you,
And you didn't even falter.
When I shattered my insignificant expectation of you,
And you didn't even noticed.

So who am I to you?


The critical point is getting breached, but you still remain blinded by your facade. 

I didn't know how to react at that moment.
I turned quiet.
I didn't know what to reply.

And then I realized, I cried a little inside.
Because your answer just vindicated my little expectation.
Without a trace.


Over and over again, in agony, yet rising and trying again, in eternity.

It'd been over more than 2 years.
Somehow it felt like, you might not be who I know you for.
I made a promise to myself that regardless of what you become,
I will stand by you.
But...

I wonder if this would last.


Decaying faith had proven to me that I am not as strong as I thought I could be.